January Blues

So its been a while... I started this blog a year ago with great intentions of making myself famous and having lots of followers and become a world traveler/speaker and writing many books.... ha! Just kidding! I am however just keeping a journal or a glimpse of our Seminary Days and allowing you to take a peak if you so wish.  My goal, since I was not too great at keeping up last year, is to at least have a post for each month.  Thus this entry being titled January Blues because honestly this year/Month has not been too fun so far and with the cold weather keeping us locked inside I am feeling a little blue today.

January 1st this year is a day I keep trying to get out of my head; CJ was perfectly normal having so much fun getting so much attention from family and friends; we went to church... lunch... and then to Richards sisters house... everything was normal... I went to feed Micaiah and while in a bed room with him I heard CJ let out a freakish scream and then silence and then everyone else in the room screaming... I ran out and they laid my precious little one in my arms... she was having a seizure.  The rest is such a blur, I remember telling Richards sister to call 911 and then just sat in the middle of the room for what seemed like hrs. holding CJ while she turned blue and struggled to breath after the seizure.  I was crying out to the Lord that I knew she was His but to please not take her from me.  So apparently these seizures are very common in little ones: a febrile seizure.  There is a good chance CJ will have more before she is six and then grow out of it.  I am praying we don't; and trying to not live in a spirit of fear but entrusting her into the Lords hands.

My heart has also been heavy the past few days as some sweet friends we have made here in Seminary watched their newborn son live for 17min and then go be with Jesus.  They have demonstrated such great faith through their trial and we believe that much Glory to God has been given through this tiny life.  I pray that God will give them peace they have never thought possible.   

Being a parent is a big responsibility and will bring the greatest joy but also can bring the biggest heartache as you love these little people more than you love yourself and want them to be perfect.  I am learning to entrust my little ones into the hand of their creator and trust that He loves them even more than I could and knows what is best for them.  I pray over my children consistently even more that they will choose to follow Christ.  I am trying to understand the sovereignty of the Lord and trust that though I don't always like His ways... they are way better than mine and I can rest in His arms.


From where You're standing
Lord, You see a grand design
That You imagined
When You breathed me into life
And all the chaos
Comes together in Your hands
Like a masterpiece
Of Your picture perfect plan
When I'm lost in the mystery
To You my future is a memory
Cause You're already there
You're already there
Standing at the end of my life
Waiting on the other side
And You're already there
You're already there